As a life long tidiness freak (read 'house proud goddess') I am having issues with the accumulation of stuff both in adult life and in relation to children. I have had a lifelong rebellion to not be a hoarder (family would say collector or curator, love their collections but not for me). Since I was about 13 I have regularly (every 6 months) rearranged, reorganised and overhauled my space. This includes donating fearlessly of items no longer used, rearranging furniture to produce a new feeling in a room, reevaluating the place that everything lives to be more efficient and creating a study/health planner for the coming 6 months.
At the end of this project I am left with a 'new' space mentally & physically and a greater energy, in between these overhauls I live the principle "a place for everything and everything in its place" rectifying any lapses within a week. Usually due to a major mental slump expressed with me being messy.
Basically you can walk in my room (and now my house), see the state of it and you will know how I am feeling that week. Yes the two go hand in hand, feeling crappy and being slovenly, then tidy up and feel better. It sounds nuts but it works for me.
So onto my stuff issue. I have very dear friends and a well meaning family who love to gift items over the various birthdays and celebrations in the year. Useless stuff or stuff I didn't choose drives me nuts. We are talking giant canvases of cute cats, toys that are not appropriate to our philosophy with our child (I explained our preference when asked & they bought Boo lovely gifts that are appropriate then topped it off with something so not for us) so what to do? At this stage I intend on giving inappropriate toys to the wishing tree so I know they go to homes where a child can love and appreciate them.
How do I impress on my BFF that just a small appropriate gift or a clothing item will be perfect for Boo or I, not 5 different lovely things plus a yet to be disclosed framed item. It isn't that I don't appreciate the thought, the thought is lovely, I just don't have anywhere to hang it. Small place not a lot of walls.
I have recently been contemplating the stuff dilemma as previously I would have donated fearlessly, but now I have a concern that people may take offence if we don't have something they gave us. How does one deal with this in a civil manner and have people save their money/time giving only what is needed?
As someone who loves to gift I have recently been applying my own dislike of stuff to my gift giving so have been baking instead of buying, consulting prior to purchase and applying my own anti-stuff feeling to avoid piling others with unwanted items. Having undertaken the 10 item Wardrobe thanks to Madame Chic (J. L. Scott) and now reading At Home with Madame Chic I have become further acquainted with my own preference for quality over quantity. A lovely wooden toy over a flashing plastic one etc.
So please tell me what would Madame Chic do? How does one deal with this in a civil manner and have people save their money/time giving only what is needed or wanted?
Great question! I would say the etiquette is to gracious accept any gift given to you but to not feel obligated to keep it. You can always regift it or donate it to charity. I would shy away from suggesting what gifts to receive. But you could lead by suggestion, for example, saying, "This holiday season I am giving everyone baked goods...". That could set the tone with your friends and perhaps they will do the same. Good luck and thanks for mentioning my book. Jennifer Scott x
ReplyDeleteThank you for your reply Jennifer, it is lovey to know we are on the right track. I only ever provide ideas when asked as we have overseas family who don't get to see Boo often.
DeleteThis is a great question and I love Jennifer's reply. It sounds right to not request specific gifts but to graciously accept the gifts and then do with them as you please. Of course, if people do ask for gift suggestions, by all means suggest!
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